


Between Valhalla & Paradise

by Ella_Emmens



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 9 realms - Freeform, Adventures, Best Friends to Lovers, Betrayal, Brutal, Daggers, Dancing, Death, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Exile, F/M, Fate, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Loads and loads of angst, Loki is a lot of things, Loki is bisexual, Love, Magic, Maybe - Freeform, Romance, Swordplay, Violent, and more - Freeform, before Thor (2011), blood galore, childhood friends to Best friends to Lovers, depends on whether you want it, executement, heimdall is sigyn's father, little bit, loki is genderfluid, maladaptivedaydreaming, smut?, thankyou, with a side of death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ella_Emmens/pseuds/Ella_Emmens
Summary: How many betrayals does it take to send someone over the edge?How many secrets can be kept from two friends?Why is this so hard?Loki and Xenia are friends. Unlikely friends.This is how that little boy turned into that broken and angry man.And how that girl went from lover to killer.How they went from strangers to everything to strangers all over again.Bad at summaries sorry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've planned all this out. Give Kudos and Comments. I hope you'll love it.  
Also,  
In this story Thor is 2 centuries older than Loki and Loki is 50 years older than Xenia.  
This is before Thor(2011) but will have events from the MCU
> 
> Come say hi:  
Wattpad: EllaEmmens  
Tumblr: therewasnousernamecomeon  
Insta: zbru._

The rain thumped against the cottage, small but well-built, surrounded by a never withering fence. Though it didn’t look it, the house was a millennium old.

As old as the owner.

Probably having 2 or 3 rooms. Good for a husband and wife.

But there is no husband or wife.

There is only Heimdall.

Some of the time, when even Allfather has to tell him to take a leave. After a war or a rather tiring night.

After all, why would he stay in an empty cottage when there is a universe to see from his vantage point at the end of the Bifrost.

A light could be seen from outside the cottage and the silhouette of Heimdall as he sits on a chair, looking into the fire with a glass of an amber liquid in his hand.

He sits still. A statue if you didn’t look closely enough but his eyes give him away, Bright Orange and full of life and capable of seeing through space and time.

It is a gift they say, to be blessed with the power of Heimdall.

We should be so lucky they say, to be as respected as Heimdall.

Little do they know what a curse the powers of Heimdall truly are. Imagine predicting death and chaos but not having the power to stop it. Imagine seeing people die and suffer all the _damn_ time but not allowed to lift a finger.

Because this is what they deserve, the Allfather says, this is fate and we do not meddle with fate.

Even if it turns us into wretched creatures oblivious of love and compassion.

Little do they know of the Isolation of being Heimdall. Seeing all those people rejoice below, in the realms and Asgard as well but not allowed to move for there is a responsibility on your shoulders, Heimdall, you are the gatekeeper, you will warn us if something is to come. So Heimdall stands.

Those empty nights by the fire, like this one, yet no one sees his pain, including him.

He is a hardened shell of focus, precision and caution.

He still has a heart of course he does. It just doesn’t show as much as it should.

He is no longer the boy that roamed the woods in the old days. Well he wasn’t a boy then either, was he? Heimdall chuckles dryly thinking of that time.

He wasn’t born a babe.

He was born a cub. To the last female Asgardian Wolf. A lethal species. He was given no name. No title.

And without those things he was free.

And one day he spied a young lad, about his age but a Man. Beneath the great horse Sleipnir, his leg badly mangled.

And Heimdall the wolf rushed to the man, freed him from beneath the horse and without hurting the man or horse too.

This man was Odin before he was King before he was Allfather.

And then, a light struck Heimdall from the skies and instead of the Wolf there sat a handsome young man of 25, older than Odin who was 23.

But they were friends and had been since.

Throughout the trouble it took for Odin to become King and then Allfather, throughout the rampant rages of Hela, throughout her banishment to the Dark Dimension, which was not looked upon so brightly by either Heimdall or the Allmother and led to their first disagreement. But what’s done was done or that was the excuse the Allfather pulled for banishing his Firstborn to the Dark Dimension.

And recently Heimdall had saved Odin’s life from Skymir in the Jotunn-Asgardian war. 

Heimdall stirred from the chair.

There was a presence at the door.


	2. Xenia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin doesn't want the kid but fate prevails.

There was no knock, there was no need for Heimdall to be alerted. Centuries of being able to see all, who would he be if he couldn’t tell if someone was at his door?

He opened the door and peered outside into the drizzle.

Nothing.

Then a little sigh and Heimdall looked down and his eyes fell upon a little wicker basket, old and weak. And inside a little bundle of white cloth and from inside a small plump arm reaches out and drags down the cloth to reveal a dark mass of curls on a brown blob for a head with a button nose, plump pink lips and soft eyelashes fanned on red cheeks.

Heimdall would’ve stood in the rain for some time if the thought of the babe catching a cold hadn’t occurred to him.

He brought the child inside, settled it near the fire but not too near, just enough.

He sat in the chair again, with his hands covering his eyes. He counted to twenty, pulled his hands down and when saw the infant was still there, stood up, covered her as masterfully and delicately as a man who’s had no experience with children can and resolved to take her to the King.

\---

Heimdall entered the throne room with the basket and saw Odin seated at the throne. He didn’t look happy.

Why would he? he'd been called for an audience in the middle of the night.

Heimdall came close to the throne and saw the gold-haired woman standing at the side of the Allfather.

Frigga.

"My Apologies," he said bowing his head, his words more to the queen rather than the King.

"Well, we are here now," Odin said, "What is it?"

Heimdall gently took the bundle out of the basket and delicately held the babe in his hands.

When the baby’s face came into view, Frigga gave a light gasp and quickly hurried down to hold the child.

Heimdall hid a small smile.

_She doesn’t get tired of little gnomes, does she?_

Almost sensing his thought Frigga looked up at him and smiled.

“I found the babe on my doorstep,” said Heimdall, “tis a newborn”

“Did you look at the child?” Odin asked, his eyes glittering like dark jewels.

“Only once” Heimdall continued uneasily, he knew that look far too well, it was the look when Odin’s decision was final, “To see if the baby lived”

“And does it?” His voice made it clear he did not care.

“It does”

“And be it a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a girl,” The queen said and both men quietened and turned their gaze to her, confused.

_How did she know?_

She looked at them slyly.

_Men can be ever so oblivious._

Odin continued, “It’s simple. Begone with the child”

Heimdall bit his tongue before he mentioned the Jotunn child, nay, Prince, that Odin had brought from Jotunheim days before.

The queen seemed to be thinking the same thing but before she could say something Heimdall spoke.

“I can raise the child” it was a statement, not a request.

“The decision is final, begone-“ but before Odin could finish the fires in the room died. Except for the ones by the hearth, those had turned a dark shade of red and three figures appeared out of the flames.

The Norns.

Two stopped as soon as they exited the flames but the one in the middle kept walking, you couldn’t see her walk she was covered by an ugly brown robe that pooled to her feet and a hood that covered her face.

She floated towards Frigga quietly, barely making noise and took the child from and Frigga, hesitantly, gave her.

Out of the Norns sleeve came a bony finger which the moment connected with the cheek of the babe and woke the girl up.

Her eyes opened and Heimdalls’s stomach dropped.

She had Golden eyes, bright Gold, like the molten Iron that Blacksmiths forge famous swords from, like the Gold that the castle he stands in now is made of.

Pure Golden eyes that shine with power and potential.

Like his orange orbs do.

She is his.

_She is his._

Everyone in the room looks at him and he remembers why he liked being alone so much.

“Well,” says Odin, amusement crinkling at the corner of his eyes, “Who is the mother?”

There’s a flash of memory then,

_Bright blue eyes,_

_Golden hair, _

_Voluptuous,_

_Stimulating._

Heimdall coughs, his face reddening, he knows who the mother is he’s just not sure whether he should tell. Luckily the decision is made for him.

“Freya” the Norn whispers.

_Or unluckily, Heimdall thinks dryly._

Frigga’s eyebrows are raised. Why wouldn’t she be surprised? Freya _is_ her older sister.

“Queen of Vanaheim?” Odin says, stroking his beard.

“_To be_ Queen of Vanaheim?” Frigga corrects her brows furrowed, “The marriage is five months from now”

“Her engagement was announced a year and a half ago,” Odin said and at once all eyes turned to look at Heimdall

“I…” Heimdall paused as he looked at the child, she had dark brown curls like his, and a brown sugar skin. “I did not know it was her” He admits.

Before Odin can contradict Heimdall’s words, the Norn speaks, “He tells the truth” her voice is crackling with knowledge, “He was deceived by the Goddess of Lust. But this” she gestures to the baby and at once before her rotten fingers can even touch the child Heimdall sweeps the girl from her hands and cradles her close to his chest, fear gripping his heart.

She is his.

_She is his._

“but this” the Norn continues, “Freya did not expect”

“Freya broke her engagement?” Frigga spoke

The Norn shook her head to the mortification of Frigga, “No one knows of the child”

“How is that possible?”

“The child was born not almost three hours ago”

The room was silent.

“That’s not what you’re here to say,” Heimdall said quietly.

“The girl” continued the Norn, “Is a Goddess. She denotes Truth and-“

“Purity?” Frigga said hopefully

“Integrity” The Norn turned to Odin, “She holds the power of the Ancient Gods”

That got Odin’s attention,

“_I_ am an Ancient God,” he said, his displeasure

“Far, far Ancient Allfather” The Norn continued but this time there is amusement in her voice, “As old as Ymir and as strong as-“

“Yggdrasil” Heimdall finished, stroking the girl’s cheek with his forefinger which she grabbed. Her hand the size of his thumbpad and his heart melted.

He looked up at the Allfather whose eyes were at the baby, “I’m raising the child”

Odin snapped his gaze up to Heimdall, “Nonsense”

Heimdall was in his element now, the Allfather was intrigued and he knew Odin far too well that he won’t respond to emotional speeches or begging so he went for his logic.

“Imagine the help she will bring to Asgard”

“How so?”

“As a warrior”

“Nay, as an alignment”

Heimdall’s anger flared, “No,” he said. “I will not pawn off _my_ daughter for _your_ needs”

Silence.

“He will not get the chance,” The Norn said calmly.

“What?!”

“By the time the girl is of age” The Norn shrugged, “She will not be in Asgard”

“Why?” Heimdall ventured cautiously

“I don’t know the specifics,” she said, “All I know is that when she is of age, she will leave Asgard and not return”

“Then it’s simple,” Odin said, “She will not remain in Asgard”

“Why not, Allfather?” the Norn spoke turning towards Odin, “Did I not make a far worse prediction of your firstborn?”

“You did nothing of the sort”

“I’m not talking of Thor”

Odin stood but before he could do anything Frigga spoke,

“It is understood” To Odin, she said, “The girl stays”

“But-“

“She is my blood and more importantly she is Heimdall’s daughter” her voice turned sharp as ice, “You will not banish an innocent soul whose only mistake is being born”

The Norns were gone now.

“The mistake is catastrophic!”

“By that very same logic” Frigga continued, “_You_ should be dead”

That silenced him.

Frigga turned to a shocked Heimdall, “You will stay home for some time, you will take care of her. I’ll send some supplies”

_But my post… the words were stuck in his throat_

She looked at him and as if reading his mind, “No invasions are coming for some time”

“But-“

“NO”

Frigga had lost her daughter; she wasn’t going to lose her niece either.

“What will you name her?”

Heimdall looked down at his daughter, her hand still gripping his finger, fast asleep.

_“Xenia”  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xenia is pronounced 'zee-nee-aaa' it means female warrior.  
I will post whenever I can which might be once or twice a week. Maybe more  
The timeline in this is Obviously before Thor(2011). Though throughout the story events from the MCU WILL OCCUR.  
Also,  
Thor is two centuries (200 years) older than Thor and we're gonna treat that like 2 human years.  
While Loki is 50 years older than Sigyn/Xenia and we're gonna treat that like 6 months.  
Man, Asgardian time is so complicated.  
Annnnd, I will mention ages according to Human years from now on.
> 
> Comment and Leave a Kudos.  
:p


	3. The Books

“You need to get her in order!” the woman shouted while Heimdall stood, helmet in hand, hand bowed.

“Look at me!”

Heimdall looks up and the moment the woman notices his eyes, she falls silent, instantly recognizing him as if the armor isn’t an indication.

“tell me” Heimdall says, grateful for the reprieve, “Was she called to your garden?”

“Yes” the woman squeaks out

“By?”

“My girls”

“Hmmm.” Heimdall stroked his chin, “Did your daughters tell you that they taunted my daughter because of her lack of a mother.” His voice was stone cold now.

“Did they?”

“n..No”

“I expected that.” Heimdall stood up straight, the woman as tall as his solar plexus, “And maybe instead of tending your _precious_ garden, you should discipline your daughters and tell them” his eyes glittered, _“That they are luckier than most” _and he turned to leave.

That broke the wench out of her reverie, “Maybe you should discipline your daughter in not setting fire to gardens the moment her sensitive feelings are hurt”

Heimdall turned to the woman, instantly crumbling her short-lived confidence, “Even my closest companion does not speak of my daughter like that” his voice quietened, “And he is the King”

That shut her up.

===

Heimdall closed the door behind him and entered the cottage, put his cloak on the hanger Xenia had lovingly attached to the back and turned to see his daughter on his seat reading.

The book was on the nine-year-old’s lap, her chin resting on her hands as she read.

“What are you reading?” Heimdall asked gently

“What did she say?” she said in her soft and low way of speaking.

Heimdall stood next to her and ran a hand through her extremely short hair (She’d gotten tree sap in it and he’d had to cut it). “What’re you reading?”

She looked up at him through her golden eyes.

A beat.

She huffed, “Botany”

Heimdall sat on the stool next to the seat so that he’d come to her eyelevel, “She said that you burned her garden” he saw her sneak a look at him through the corner of her eye, “Which is surprising, considering you haven’t reached the survival books yet and they’re the only ones that teach how to light a fire”

He stood up then, picked her up and sat down in the seat and deposited her on his lap.

“What happened, Xenia?”

She wasn’t looking at him.

He lifted her chin up to face him and said, “Tell me”

She sighed, “It’s been happening for days”

Heimdall’s brows furrowed, “What is?”

She made as if to speak but thought better of it, then said, “Let me start from the beginning”

She paused, “No, there is too much. Let me sum up”

She then turned and looked at the empty glass bottle on the table about 8 feet from them.

She focused her gaze on the bottle, seeing nothing but the bottle and imagined those words again

_What would you know about having a mother?_

**The bottle exploded.**

But first, Xenia felt the hair on her arms and legs stand up, she felt…everything and then the bottle exploded.

Shards flowing everywhere, but the bottle was away enough that the shards didn’t reach them.

She looked back at her father, hoping to Valhalla that he’d be proud.

Why wouldn’t he be? His daughter was powerful.

But instead she saw worry gnawing at his eyes and worry-lines on his forehead.

“I didn’t do it to worry you” She said crossly

Heimdall snapped his eyes to her, amusement and surprise marking his features, “Really? Why did you do it then?”

And Xenia, innocent of the meaning her father had perceived said, “To make you proud”

That threw Heimdall off balance.

“Is that why it happens” Heimdall asked her, trying very hard to make sure she did not see the affect her words had, “To make me proud?”

She seemed to think about that, “No. It happens when I’m angry”

“How did it happen the first time?”

“The boy in the book was dead all along”

That piqued his interest.

“What boy?”

Xenia looked at him like he was an idiot, “The one in the book” she pointed to the book on the shelf. _‘The Troubles of War’_

“Oh” Heimdall said simply.

He then turned to her and said, “Did you do what I told you to today?”

She nodded, yes.

“Good” Heimdall praised, “Now do it again”

The girl scowled, “Why?” she whined, “I don’t wanna do it again?”

“Xenia” her father warned.

With a huff she stood up and went outside as her father followed her.

It was almost sunset. The wind was gentle and perfect for the practice Heimdall put his daughter through every day.

Xenia began moving like her father had taught her.

“Begin” Heimdall said.

“There are four stances” Xenia began and she stood taut _like steel_ or a deer poised to run.

“Fire!” Heimdall shouted and Xenia quickly shifted to an attacking position

“Water!” He shouted and she snapped to a slightly defensive position as if she would easily maneuver herself around the attack.

“Earth!” came the next command and she changed to a position some brawlers would use, which looked funny on a little, thin girl.

“Air!” Heimdall shouted last and the next position was more flexible and it was in this position that Xenia would learn to fight.

Heimdall kept repeating the Four Elements and Xenia kept different stances each time. Heimdall would step in now and then and fix her stance.

Her chin too low, her elbow not high enough her knee higher.

Then he let her get about her chores with his twist.

She’d hang the laundry while her ankle was resting on the wire almost a foot above her head. And then she’d switch.

And Again.

And again.

_// bending techniques_

They were in the middle of ‘Air’ when Xenia heard something.

_Are they practicing again? _

She looked up, completely violating the stance, causing Heimdall to shift his attention to the fence.

_Chip of the old block._

Heimdall tensed for a moment then his shoulders let down as a voice called out,

“Evenin’ Gatekeeper!” The friendly face of Ivan came into view as he led his recently occupied horse to the fence.

“Evenin’ Ivan.” Heimdall said, a small smile on his face as he walked towards the messenger who was currently busy tying his horse to the fence.

“Hope all’s well?” Ivan said as he untied a satchel from the side of his horse and brought it over to Heimdall.

Heimdall stuffed it under his arm, out of reach, Xenia noted.

“Quite well, Ivan. With you?”

“You both are very well!” Xenia interrupted, “As we’ve been hearing for the past two years”

Xenia turned and looked at her father who raised an eyebrow.

“But you can keep on…umm…_chatting_. While I uh… pet the horse”

Heimdall went, “Well, that’s very kind of you” in a way that made sure the sass was noted.

“Most young ladies such as yourself courtesy nowadays instead of …interrupting, you know?” Ivan chided.

Xenia turned around to face the speaker, “Yes, well they also gossip terribly about the messenger” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “and we all know there are no, how did you put it? Yes. _Young ladies_ such as myself” with that she went over to the fence and to the great amusement of the two men, she curtsied.

“How are you today?” she whispered softly, wanting to make sure no one heard her.

“Hope your day wasn’t like mine?” She said as she concentrated.

She held out her hand and did what the book told her to do.

_Concentrate on what you want to get. Imagine the whole shape, weight, and color. Anything that might distinguish it and the place where it rests. _

And then it happened, just like before.

She heard it before she felt it.

A light sizzle, like hot oil in the pan and it grew dimmer and then a light tinkle as the air above her outstretched hand temporarily disappeared and then was replaced by the air that was surrounding the apple in the basket in her living room.

She gave a light gasp. It was getting quicker, and easier too.

_Guess Papa was right about the practice_, she thought idly as Ivan’s horse ate her apple.

A few moments later, as Ivan was leaving, she called out, “Practice makes Perfect, Ivan”

She heard Ivan laugh and say, “Mind-reading is rude, kið” and then shout, “The Queen wishes you two well!”

As he galloped away, Heimdall asked, “What was he thinking?”

“About us practicing” Xenia said simply but she didn’t notice her father still.

“You don’t think…” Heimdall said uneasily, “I’m over-working you… right?”

She looked back at him with a smile, daughters keep especially for their fathers.

“Of course not, Papa” she said happily, “I know you mean well”

“Even if you do not know what the meaning is?”

“I trust you” With that she kissed him on the forehead and all was forgotten.

“Shall we check your new books?” Heimdall said slyly.

“You already know the answer, Papa”


	4. Frigga and Heimdall

Xenia was out watering her roses when she sensed someone behind her. She whipped her head around and saw the figure of a woman, her face hidden by the hood of her cloak.

“Those are Lovely” The voice was sweet and angelic, not at all suiting to the rotten and burned cloak.

“They’re elders” she narrowed her eyes, “Who are you?”

“Can you guess?”

“Hmmm…” Xenia shifted as she tried to see the woman from all angles, “you’re clothes are too expensive to be a messenger, and …since Ivan isn’t here it means that you have the authority to dismiss him.”

_ The Queen wishes you two well!  _

“I think you’re the queen”

She took off her hood and did prove to be the Queen.

“Well you’re certainly clever aren’t you?”

“Why thank you, your majesty,” Xenia said as she turned to let her into the cottage, “But why are  _ you _ bringing my books”

“Well I’m the one who sends them and I thought” She stopped and looked at the little sketches Xenia had made, “that at your 10th birthday I should come and give them to you myself.”

“Why do you send them?” Xenia said hastily, wanting to draw away the Queen’s attention away from the sketches.

“Because I know you’re smart enough to benefit from them” Frigga took a sip of the juice Xenia had brought her as good little girls do, “But there’s something else you want to ask me?”

Xenia smiled, she liked this woman, “Why can’t I read your mind?”

Frigga laughed, this girl was fascinating, “you need spells to read minds, darling”

Xenia’s brows knitted in confusion, “But I haven’t been casting spells this whole time, I can barely summon an apple!”

That caused Frigga to stop and consider, “Are you…can you read minds of others?”

She nodded.

“Well…that is certainly” she fumbled for a word, “Something”

“Why can’t I read yours?” Xenia insisted again, determined to find the fault.

Can’t have those.

“Because I cast a spell that stops people from reading my mind”

Frigga was expecting the ten-year-old to be fascinated instead she spoke, “That’s very rude”

“So is reading people’s minds”

A pause.

“that’s true”

Frigga continued, "You can summon an apple?"

Xenia nodded vigorously.

"Any other spells or preferences?"

==== 

Heimdall lumbered over to his cottage and sensed another presence in the place.

“Xenia!” he shouted, panic settling into his bones, “Is someone over?”

“The Queen!” came a shout from inside.

Heimdall entered and saw his daughter having tea and biscuits with the Queen.

With the Queen.

“Hello, Heimdall,” Frigga said flashing one of her brightest and most disarming weapons.

“Your majesty” Heimdall bowed, “I hope you didn’t wait long?”

Frigga laughed and shook her head, “I came to wish Xenia a Happy Birthday”

“Oh” 

And reluctantly and in mild shock, Heimdall joined them.

“She’s a bright child, Heimdall,” Frigga said later while Xenia was out tending to her flowers.

“Yes, she is”

“Then why aren’t you sending her to the palace, you know how well she can excel there”

Heimdall jaw clenched, they’d had this discussion before and he did not want to repeat it.

“All due respect, Frigga, my daughter is not going to be a piece in Odin’s game”

"You do realize that as your daughter, she has your powers and after you die she'll take up your mantle"

Heimdall stayed quiet.

"I know you love her, and I know you don't trust Odin with her future but you should know that he can only trust Xenia if she proves loyal to him"

"She has no reason to be against him"

"She has no reason to stay loyal either"

"I'm not prepared to lose her" He stood up and looked out of the window and saw Xenia trimming her bonsais. "But she needs to be prepared"

Frigga looked up at Heimdall, confusion marring her angelic features, “For what?”

“For when she leaves!” Frigga made to contradict him but Heimdall stopped her. “You and I both know it and there is nothing we can do to stop it.”

He looked into the fire, “All I can do is prepare her”

====

A week after that day, Xenia found a raven-haired boy tearing out her plants. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is ze raven-haired boy?  
And how do ze think zey meet?


	5. First Impressions

It was weird. How Loki and Xenia met.

Xenia had been reading her book on Astrology (Who knew places and bodies so far away could be so interesting) when she felt a ... a ripple of sorts, as if something bad was happening and it was telling her something was wrong.

She got up then and walked out the front door and saw beside the fence, a raven-haired boy. 

He looked sick. That was the first thing she noticed.

Pale, sickly skin, hair blacker than coal slicked back with what seemed like a lot, lot of oil. 

And he was pulling out her roses.

Her Elders.

She stalked towards him, her anger radiating off of her in waves.   
A few feet from him, he jerked his hand back with a cry of pain and bleeding fingers.

Xenia smiled. The bastard deserved it.

Looking up then he saw Xenia standing over him (He was on his knees) and said or rather commanded, “Help me!”

Xenia’s smile had vanished to leave a mask of nonchalance. She shrugged as she stuffed her hands in her pockets and took a turn around the kneeling boy who seemed as old as her.

“No,” she said.

He looked appalled, “Why not?”

“You deserve it”

“I do not!”

Xenia huffed “Uh-huh”

‘What’s it to you?” he asked.

That made her turn in anger towards him.

“My roses, boy” she growled.

“Don’t call me boy, girl. I’m a prince” he said puffing out his chest, succeeding in looking like a goose.

Xenia smiled humorlessly “My roses, your highness” The mocking did not go unnoticed. But instead of retaliating like she had expected him to, he huffed and sat back against the fence, arms crossed across his chest.

Her anger as quickly as it had come dissipated.

She sat down next to him.

“You’re Angry,” she said

“Really,” he huffed, “I didn’t notice”

He anger returned. Mildly.

“If you’re going to keep that attitude I suggest you leave.”

He looked at her in an ‘Oh Really’ way, “Why?”

She wanted to slap him. She did. 

“No Anger, Xenia,” she told herself, “No anger”

“The anger upsets the Elders and aggravates me,” she said as civilly as she could.

His brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re magical roses. Their well-being depends on the emotion of the people around them. Hence, the fence”

Loki moved away from the now rather trampled black roses.

“Thank you,” she said dejectedly.

“They’re beautiful.” He said lamely trying not let the guilt settle in.

“They’re mine.” She said, “were anyway”

The guilt was there now, “I’m sorry” he whispered.

She looked up at him and believed it. But instead of saying 'it's ok' like normal people instead she said, “You should smile more”

There goes her chance of being considered normal by someone who could very well have her executed.

His shoulders sagged and he asked, “Who’re you?”

Oh shit, he's gonna have me executed.

“Who’re you?”

“I told you”

“You told me you’re a prince.” She surmised, “That doesn’t count”

His mouth turned into a flat line and he said,

“Loki Odinson”

“Xenia”

“Just Xenia?”

“To you? Yes.”

“Me?” he said, looking offended.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised,” she said mildly, “It’s the same for everyone.”

He didn’t look any less offended and Xenia couldn’t bring herself to care.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Can I ask you something?” she said out of the blue.

He nodded.

“Are you sick?”

“No. Why?”

“You look sick.” She stated simply.

His face turned dour.

“Even more now”

“You shouldn’t talk”

“Really?” she said feigning surprise, “Why ever not?”

“You keep insulting people.”

“I’m obsessed with telling the truth. Truth hurts.” She fixed her eyes on his, “Get over it.”

He stayed silent.

“I have another question.”

“Oh, dear Hel”

“Are you…” she ran a hand through her hair suddenly aware of how boyish she looked, “Are you a sorcerer?”

He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it and instead went, “Kind of?” He looked at her then, suspicion marring his boyish features, “Why?”

“I can uh…normally read minds, you know but umm not yours.”

“I cast a spell that shields my mind” he replied without pause.

Xenia waited for a beat, “You’re lying”

Loki started.

“I…” he looked at her, eyes wide with caution, “-am. How… did you know?”

Xenia shrugged, “I just do”

He paused a beat, “My mother knows a spell. She cast it on everyone”

“Why’d you lie about that?”

He shrugged.

“That’s nothing to lie about, boy”

He narrowed her eyes at her.

Xenia rolled her eyes, “That’s nothing to lie about, your highness.” On a quieter note, she added, “You’re very lucky.”

Loki hadn’t meant her to call him that and the way she said it, didn’t make him want to hear it either and he would’ve addressed that if he hadn’t caught the little hint of sadness at her last sentence.

He decided to ignore it. It was probably nothing anyway.

“She fusses over me.” He said lamely.

“You don’t like being loved?” she said in a way that made him want to hide so she couldn’t see his shame.

“I… I do. But..” he trailed away.

“but?” she prompted.

“I don’t know!”

“Ok. Ok.” She flicked off imaginary lint from her tunic’s sleeves. “Why were you so angry?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

She laughed, “Not every day I get to meet angry princes who have trouble being loved”

“I don’t-“, he broke off knowing he shouldn’t bother, “My brother made me angry”

“Brother eh?”

“Yes. He’s uh smaller than me.”

“You’re lying again” she deadpanned. “Keep that up and I may not trust you”

“As if I care”

Xenia laughed, “Lies”

“Xenia,” he said, testing the word, “That’s a mouthful”

Xenia turned dismal.

“Yes. Yes” Xenia said pointedly, “Loki makes a great sense!”

“What if I-“

“You’ll call me Xenia or nothing else”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance ‘Nothing Else’”

Despite herself, she smiled.

“Watch it, highness”

He laughed.

“What did your older brother do that made you so, so angry?”

He stopped laughing. The echo was still sounding in her ears when he spoke, “I turned into a snake and stabbed him”

Wait, what?

“And you’re angry because…?”

“Father scolded me”

“You stabbed him.”

“You’re saying that as if it makes everything clear”

“Doesn’t it?”

“What did he do?”

“He …upset my papers”

Xenia narrowed her eyes. He wasn’t lying but he wasn’t telling the truth either.

I’m just avoiding certain truths to manipulate you.

His voice sounded in her eyes.

She cocked her head, “Telepathic, shapeshifter anything else you can do?”

“Much”

“You shouldn’t have stabbed him”

Loki huffed, “Maybe you’re right?”

“Maybe you should be more trusting”

He looked at her, his face serious and Xenia saw the shadow of the man he would become.

“Why should I trust you?” his voice wasn’t the same anymore. It was deeper, softer, like velvet.

He didn’t look young as he did a moment ago either. His face was that of a man who’d gone to hell and back. A symphony of fine edges and lines.

He was an attractive specimen but the confusing thing was that he looked like death.

Then the vision disappeared.

Loki was sitting there in front of him, his face young and though it still was serious it didn’t have quite the same impact as that of the older, finer version.

“Sorry?” Xenia mumbled.

“Why should I trust you?”

Xenia laughed, “Why shouldn’t you trust me?” 

Just like that, his mood changed.

“What do you do here?” he said looking off in the distance where they could see the castle gleaming, the dying sun’s rays reflecting off it.

“Nothing much,” Xenia said, “My father teaches me to fight”

“You must be terr-“

She tackled him to the ground.

“You’re quick” Loki huffed from beneath her, his arms pinned down above his head.

“You’re slow”

“Now, you see that’s me offering you a fruit basket and you spitting in my face”

“I know”

“I need to go.”

“I know” she whispered. 

She sat back on her knees and he got up and leaned back, letting his hands support his weight.

They sat like that for a moment. Just looking at one another.

They’d often think in the future, whether they would’ve initiated the friendship if they’d known what it was going to lead to.


	6. The Wrong Foot

_Memories are vital, refrain from meddling with them unless absolutely necessary._

_"Well,"_ Xenia thought, "She had to _absolutely_ try this, but on who?"

She closed the final page of the book and looked around the empty room and for the briefest moment, the loneliness hit her or rather filled her,

_like when you're drowning._

She shook her head and got up to the kitchen. Best way to deal with loneliness and boredom.

Eat.

As she went over to the window, her eyes fell to her rose patch and her heart deflated even more.

She'd worked so hard on those. the seeds had just shown up with Ivan's weekly supplies.

And she'd devoted months to them.

Behind the patch though, above the fence, she saw a patch of black hair.

Maybe it was the fact that his hair was in front of the patch of broken roses that did it, but whatever it was, her anger was back and she wanted to kick that sucker's ass to kingdom come.

She stormed outside the cottage and on the way to the fence and looked over it to see Loki.

He was sitting on his behind, looking up to the sky with his eyes closed as if praying and, in his hands, were _gardening tools_.

_What the Hell?_

"What are you doing here?" she said causing him to jump and instead of falling backwards like she expected him to, he shoved the spade in his hand towards her, right at her neck.

_Bless Heimdall_, she thought, as she dodged the spade.

Loki looked angry but his eyes were too wide for that.

"Well?" she asked, "What're you doing here?"

His brows furrowed in confusion as his gaze went from the spade in his hand (Still positioned where Xenia's neck was) to where Xenia actually was looking like she's almost stabbed by a shovel every other day.

Almost.

He shook his head as he lowered the spade. _This girl's crazy._

"Why are you here, boy?"

He snapped his neck to face her causing her to groan and repeat, "Why are you here, _your Highness_"

Again, with the "Highness' but Loki didn't actually mind it.

"Can't you...tell?" he said instead.

Xenia's eyes narrowed, "I wanna hear it from you"

Loki's bravado vanished in a flash, _this kid._

"You know why I'm here." he insisted, standing up.

"I wanna hear it from _you_." she insisted back, leaning over the fence.

They could go like this all day and Loki wanted to do what he was here to do.

He gave up.

"I uhh," He started, scratching his head, "wanted to help you with umm, with your roses. Because I uh," He swallowed, "_I felt bad_" he finished.

That.. was not what Xenia was expecting. Not at all.

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again.

She knew what was gonna happen, or at least she felt it.

She knew that if she did this if she let Loki help her with her roses, she'd be helping him too. She'd be helping him get into her life.

Her life, where it was just her and her father.

_What father?_ a voice inside her went, the father who's never home and when he is, you're just a soldier who needs training.

She had an empty life; she knew that and she knew that Loki would occupy a little place in her life.

A little.

_Just a little._

But she felt where this would lead to, it was like a song that keeps flowing in your ears except this was a vision of the future.

She saw Loki, older, stronger and wiser, wearing blue with yellow in the center where his heart is and her, strong as ever and ready to kill at a moment’s notice.

_A fight of the Ages._

If she befriended him now, it would be much, much harder to fight him when that time came.

If she let him do this, if she let him in and save her from the constantness of her life, she'd be setting herself up for the betrayal of the millennia.

"Sure," she said opening the fence both into her garden and her life.

====

They were sitting underneath the huge oak at the top of the hill behind, Xenia's cottage.

It was a gorgeous tree and there was a gorgeous view.

The setting sun's rays falling on the Golden Castle in the distance.

They were silent. There wasn't anything much to talk about.

They'd covered the seeds and the wide collection of books in Xenia's house.

They'd gone in after they'd been done with the roses. Perfectly well now, thanks to the tools the Queen had graciously supplied when Loki had told her what happened.

"Thank her for me," Xenia said leaning her head back against the tree.

"That is the 18th time you've said that" Loki mused as he counted on his fingers. He turned to look at her, "I'll tell her"

It was assertive really, the way he said it as if he knew what Xenia needed.

It unsettled her.

"Didn't think you could ever be quiet, Blue" Loki said, eyes closed.

"Had to stop you from ruining my roses again, your high-" she stopped and looked at him quizzically, "What did you call me?"

Loki looked at her, his face as if he was amused by her question, "Blue" he answered simply.

"Why?"

"Well" he shrugged, "You always wear blue and” he added, "You seem blue too"

"Are you calling me… sad?" she asked, more curious than shocked or offended.

Loki shook his head, "NO. Nothing like that. Just" he looked at her and that feeling was there again as if she had opened that fence and he was in.

Totally.

"You're bored," he said, "And empty"

Xenia was worried now, "You okay, Loki?"

That took him unawares, he looked at her cautiously and the fact that he was thinking of the same thing she was, hit Xenia like a kick to the stomach.

"I just wanted to get out of the house," he said

Xenia waited.

"I won't tell a soul, Loki." she gave a bitter laugh, "It's not as if I can anyway"

Loki looked at her for a moment, then said, "I'm a prince. And I know close to nothing about my Land"

He looked at her for an answer.

"Well, Books-" she started but Loki cut her off.

"Books, I've read. All about Asgard. But" he ran his hands through his hair, "I need to see for myself" his voice dropped an octave, " Can you understand that"

She could. She really could. The need to do and see what the books sing about.

"Tomorrow," Xenia said, "Tomorrow you come here and we start"

"start what"

_"Exploration"_


	7. Chapter 7

"Golden Apples"

"What?"

Xenia dropped the books onto Loki's lap.

"Golden Apples," she said tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. Her hair was getting longer. Almost to her shoulders, she’d cut it tonight.

“What about them?” Loki asked leafing through the pages.

“You know what the Golden Apples are?” Xenia asked, surprised.

“Apples enchanted and grown by the Asgardian Goddess, Idunn. They proved to be sources of Immortality”

“Since Idunn was Asgardian…” Xenia trailed off suggestively

“They” Loki continued, “Ran out centuries ago.”

“I don’t believe that.”

Loki opened his mouth as if to argue but instead said, “They’ll be in the mangroves beyond the Arundhati Village”

“Oh” 

Loki didn’t miss the note of despair in her monosyllable exclamation.

“What?” he asked

“Well,” she said “I’ll have to ask my father”

He didn’t press for information. She didn’t want to talk about it.

“Anyways,” Xenia said, desperate to change the topic, “You know an awful lot about the apples”

“Mother used to read the stories to me”

Xenia sat down next to him, “Used to?”

Loki sighed and leaned his head back against the fence. He looked out towards the open plains and his home in the distance. He had about twenty minutes until he had to go.

“I’m older now,” he said, careful not to betray his emotions, “I don’t need bedtime stories”

He looked at Xenia. She had this small smile on her face.

He wasn’t fooling her.

And though he was impressed he was unnerved too.

_ Why can’t I lie to her? _

“Tomorrow then?” she asked, not pressing the matter.

“Why not now?” he asked.

She was about to reply when both heard someone call out, “Xenia?”

Xenia shot to her feet, “Papa!”

Loki started.  _ Papa? _

Heimdall came and stood next to the fence, arms folded across his chest, his gigantic sword at his back gleaming in the rays of the dying sun.

“Xenia,” he said and his eyes wandered down to Loki sitting with his back to the fence, one eyebrow was raised, “and Loki.”

Xenia’s face scrunched up, “You know him?”

Both Loki and Heimdall turned to face her.

“You didn’t know that?” Loki asked, his confusion evident in his tone.

Xenia’s gaze flicked from her father to her one friend. She couldn’t well know who her father saw because he was never home and if he was, he was more concerned about her training.

Heimdall, as if sensing her thoughts, twitched uncomfortably.

And Loki, the drama queen he was took his chance, “Well, I better go” he stood up, nodded to Heimdall and waved at Xenia and ran.

Xenia’s eyes narrowed.

“So,” Heimdall said, diverting her attention back to him, “You’ve been…talking with the Prince?”

“Huh,” Xenia said without thinking, “He wasn’t lying”

Heimdall’s interest was piqued, just why was his daughter mingling with the son of the very person he was trying to keep her away from.

“How did you meet him?” Heimdall asked, cutting straight to the chase. Subtlety wasn’t exactly his forte.

Xenia shivered, reliving the horrible incident. “He tore out my roses,” she said, sounding as if she still hadn’t quite forgiven him.

It was hard but his … companionship was making up for it.

Heimdall said, stunned, “And you’re friends with him?”

Xenia laughed, “Tell me about it” 

She looked at her father, the question was there, hanging in the air, one of them waiting for the other to address it.

“You spend more time at the palace than at home?” Xenia did try. She tried to make it sound as if it wasn’t bothering her but…but it did.

It really did.

Heimdall motioned to the cottage, “We should head back inside, Xenia”

“Papa-“

“You need to train” he kept on walking, he was adamant not to answer her question.

Xenia stayed stuck to her spot. 

Training?  _ Training? _

Heimdall reached the door and looked back to find Xenia standing right where he’d left her.

“Xenia,” he said, warningly.

That only heightened Xenia’s anger. She stayed put.

Heimdall pointed to the ground in front of him, “Get here, Now.”

From where Xenia was standing, she could see her father’s eyes glowing Orange. She’d missed her sunset and realized that she was so, so alone. She’d convinced herself that the reason her father wasn’t home, the reason she was alone, was because he was busy guarding Asgard, at the Bifrost but…but he was out at the Palace.

With the King and Queen and their sons.

While she was here, drowning in Loneliness.

She felt it in her toes first, a static of sorts.

Golden. The power was Golden. Like molten Gold.

Striking. Hot. Gold.

It started crackling as it moved up her body and manifested as it did so. All the while Xenia’s mind felt it was its duty to remind her of every single moment of Loneliness she’d ever had.

The sisters mocking her. The villagers taking their children away when she came near. 

When she ate her dinner alone.

She screamed and ran at Heimdall determined to at least, _ at least,  _ maim him _ . _

All that training had to do some good.

Heimdall’s eyes widened in surprise as he saw her running at him, her intent clear.

But what shocked him and was ultimately the reason for the black eye he was about to get, was that her hair was glowing gold and her hands too.

The hand that incidentally was aimed for his face.

Xenia jumped and hit him square in his right eye, sending them both tumbling down. 

Heimdall lay there, stunned. Xenia stood up and looked him in the eye. (The one he wasn’t covering)

“If” she hissed, her anger not entirely dissipated (Her hair was still glowing) “all you come here for is to train me” Heimdall didn’t miss the fact that she said ‘here’ instead of ‘home’.

She grabbed his lapels and pulled him up and terrifyingly, smiled. “Don’t bother coming.”

Imagine a child with glowing hair and eyes, who’s just given you a black eye, smile at you.

With that, she let go of his lapels and moved back inside the house.

Looked like she was all set for the groves.

Heimdall stayed down and didn’t think of reprimanding her, the betrayal was radiating of off her in waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT AS IT FUELS MY DESIRE TO WRITE!!
> 
> SONG OF THE CHAPTER:  
NOT FALLING APART - MAROON 5


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me encouragement guys and I will write.

"well," Xenia said, picking a few leaves from the tree in front of her, "This is not what I was expecting"

They'd reached the Arundhati Mangroves at noon and had encountered, not a lush and green mangrove like they were expecting but a scorched and bare wasteland.  
There was nothing there, nothing at all.

It would've made Xenia uncomfortable and sad but ever since the incident with her father she was staying away from things like that.

Namely, Emotion.  
Imagine finding out that your father, the only family you have spends more time with other people then he does with you.

Imagine the betrayal.

Imagine the complete and utter feeling of abandonment and being replaced.

That only leaves one question, why in the holy name of Hel was she here two villages away from her house in a burned down mangrove.  
Good Question. And like most good questions, there was no answer.

"Well," Loki said, kicking the infertile dirt, "I told you they were destroyed"

"You", Xenia said, "Also said if anywhere, the apples would be here"

"What is it with you and impossible things" Loki snapped, "Wait, no nature. You and nature. First the roses, now the apples-"

"Golden Apples, Your Highness" Xenia said cutting him off, "Imagine having the power, the stamina to live forever, to watch the world go by centuries as you think them minutes. Imagine the knowledge"

Loki groaned into his hand as looked up to the sky.

"We," he said, motioning to Xenia and himself, "Don't need to imagine that. We're gods"

Xenia bristled, "We are not gods"

"Really?" Loki scoffed, "And how exactly do you know that?"

Something about Loki losing his temper made Xenia regain hers, "Gods don't die"

That shut Loki up.  
*************************  
"Where were you?" Heimdall asked Xenia as she entered the cottage.

Xenia looked at him for a second and noticed that his black eye was gone. That wasn't altogether surprising as Asgardians did heal rather quickly. Bruises and wounds fading in hours with what would actually take days and maybe even weeks.

SHe didn't answer her father and moved onto her room. It had been a long day, she'd eaten at the inn where she worked shifts and now she was going to sleep.

"Xenia," her father said, a dangerous undertone to his voice.

She stopped, "Yes?"

"Where were You?"

a pause.

"In the Arundhati Mangroves near the Bihar village"

They stayed like that for a while, Heimdall thinking of what to say and Xenia prepared to shoot down anything that came out of his mouth.

"Good Night" he whispered finally and Xenia only nodded in response.

She was young, she was 15 but that gave her father no right to lie to her.

She would forgive him, eventually after he'd learned his lesson.

And if he acted like any other toxic man, what'd be the worst thing he'd do?

Kick her out?

She'd survive, she'd had been up till now.  
***  
A week later something different happened.

Now normally, every day at around 2 pm because that was when Xenia was done with her chore and her cleaning at the local inn, she;'d go to the old oak tree at the top of a small hill. from the hill, she could see the castle, the Bifrost and her cottage.  
And she'd sit there and wait. Not for long because usually 15 minutes or so later Loki would show up with a bag of books or fruit or whatever it was that Frigga sent her.

Then they'd unfold a map they were making and marked the place that was their destination for the day and move on in the direction.  
now, this would happen every day except Sunday because on Sundays Loki had to spend time with his family and Xenia had to spend time with Heimdall.  
It was like some stupid law.

Now, this week something else happened. Xenia came to the tree and she saw Loki already there pacing almost excitedly.  
And when he saw her he only said one thing.

Competition.

Namely the Einherjar Competition.

"Umm ok," Xenia said.

Loki started, "That's it?" he motioned as if to demonstrate his frustration, "ok?"

Xenia shrugged, "It's a competition. So?"

Loki straightened, "Let me explain Blue, there is going to be a competition. The winners of the competition get to be Einherjar"

That got her attention, "Einherjar?"

"Einherjar," Loki said glad she was getting it.

"The Asgardian warriors-"

"That fight and protect Asgard-"

"and are not victims of Social norms"

They both paused.

"Odd comment but okay"

Xenia went and sat down at the foot of the tree.

"You're going to enter aren't you?"

Xenia stayed silent.

"Blue?"

"Why do you call me that?"

"Wha- Because you always wear blue"

His answer was simple yet it took her by surprise.

"Are you going to go or not?"

She stayed silent and they stayed like that.

Her sitting at the foot of the tree and Loki staring at her from above, The shining next to them.

Somehow, Loki knew her answer.


	9. Edelweiss

"What do you mean you have to think about it?" Loki asked, his voice still weird, he was going through voice change.

As much as he tried to deny it.

"I mean," Xenia said, turning around to face Loki, " I have to think about it."

They were walking downhill back to the cottage.

"What exactly is there to think about?"

"Loki"

"No, really. It's a yes or no situation"

"Loki," she said with a note of warning.

"And the answer is definitely, yes"

"LOKI!"

Loki stumbled back. His eyes were wide.

Xenia huffed.

"I.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you, it's just" she ran a hand through her hair, she’d cut it recently so now she looked like a boy unless someone squinted at her chest.

She was actually pretty careful regarding the chest area. 

Every morning she’d bandage her whole chest, flatten the…uh area. 

Truth always hurts they say and they’re right.

The truth, in this case, is that no matter where you are, being a woman always gets you higher prices and low respect and if the prices  _ are _ low, the men usually want something in return.

They always do.

“Loki,” Xenia said, “I can’t just show up and fight in the contest.”

Loki opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

“Do you want to fight?”

Xenia stayed silent.

“Blue?”

She didn’t look at him, she couldn’t.

“Evenin’, Prince”

She went inside, leaving Loki incredibly confused.

Xenia was always quiet at dinner, she never did exactly talk to her father, she hadn’t since the incident.

But tonight was different, other times it seemed that there was nothing to talk about but this time it was like there was a topic that neither of them was approaching instead circling it carefully waiting to see whether the other would poke it with a stick and awake the argument just waiting to be started.

Xenia started it.

“There’s going to be an Einherjar contest?” It was meant to be a statement like all her sentences but it came out as a question. No matter how hard she tried a part of her always wanted confirmation from him.

A daughter always does, it’s built into her DNA.

Heimdall spoon paused on its way to his mouth.

A second or two later it continued its course and after swallowing he answered.

“Yes”

He stood up to clear the dishes but before he could, Xenia swiped them and washed them in the bowl she kept at the side of the counter.

When she turned around wringing her wet hands, she stopped to look at her father.

He was standing right in front of her only the table between them.

Have you ever felt like you’re in a standoff, a finger at the trigger and ready to pull? But you can’t, you never can because it’s always someone you love at the end of the barrel.

Fate is too cruel to put you in a position where decisions are easy.

“You’re not going to participate,” Heimdall said. The finality of his statement ringing in the room like the last chime of a bell.

Silence. That surprised Heimdall, he was expecting a whole shitstorm.

Instead, Xenia was standing quietly, leaning back against the counter with a nonchalant expression.

She nodded once and went to the living room and sat down in front of the fire.

_ She’s 15. _

_ 15 _

_ Fifteen _

_ A little girl. You’re doing the right thing, not letting her participate. _

_ She’s your daughter, you’re protecting her. _

_ Yeah, right _

_ I am. _

_ You’re scared _

_ You wouldn’t be? _

_ I’m you. _

_ I love her _

_ We love her. _

_ Yet you’re holding her back. _

_ If you love her, you’ll let her go _

_ She could get hurt. _

_ She could die. _

_ My daughter could DIE. _

_ You want her to die sad? _

_ You want her to die knowing her father never trusted her enough to be worthy. _

_ She didn’t fight when I told- _

_ -ordered _

_ Her to not fight _

_ Maybe she wants to make her father happy. _

_ Maybe she’s ready. _

_ She is 15. _

Heimdall leaned back and rubbed his eyes with the ball of his palm.

**Who the fuck said this was gonna be easy?**

Xenia had a candle in one hand as she walked to her bed.

Once she was nestled inside the blankets, she heard a ruffle.

She sat up straight and in the dim light of the candle she saw her father wearing a white nightshirt and low hanging bottoms.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she saw the piece of wood in his hand.

Was he really going to bludgeon her to death with  _ that _ frail old piece of wood?

Before she could voice her complaints regarding her murder Heimdall sat down on the bed next to her and she saw that the piece of wood was not a bludgeon but an instrument of sorts.

It was a fretted instrument with strings that would, she supposed, make a sound.

(It was a guitar)

Without a word, Heimdall started strumming.

===

Bold = Heimdall

Underline= Xenia

Bold AND Underline = Both

===

** _Edelweiss, Edelweiss_ **

** _Every morning you greet me_ **

** _Small and White, Clean and Bright_ **

** _You look happy to meet me_ **

** _Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow_ **

** _Bloom and grow forever_ **

** _Edelweiss,_ **

He looked at Xenia then, his love his daughter evident in the music and his eyes

** _Bless my homeland forever_ **

He nodded to her, asking her to join

** _Edelweiss_ **

_ Edelweiss _

** _Edelweiss_ **

_ Edelweiss _

** _Every morning you greet me_ **

** _Small and White_ **

_ Small and white _

** _Clean and Bright_ **

_ Clean and Bright _

** _You look happy to meet me_ **

** _Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow _ **

** _Bloom and grow forever_ **

** _Edelweiss_ **

** _Edelweiss_ **

Heimdall tucked a single hair strand behind his daughter’s ear, her eyes sleepy and her heart overflowing with her love for him.

_ Bless my homeland forever _

“Never doubt that I love you,” Heimdall said as he kissed his daughter’s forehead.

“Never”


	10. The Golden Peach and Thoughts About Equal Rights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I catch myself turning Heimdall into my dad and then I think, Heimdall's not abusive he's just scared for her.

"Does this exactly qualify for A Golden Apple?" Loki said, "Because I'm pretty sure that's a peach"

"A golden Peach.", Xenia said.

"Exactly. Peach, not Apple" Loki tilted his head, "Not what we needed."

"But it's the least we have"

"It's magic, blue"

"My point exactly"

"Xenia," Loki said his voice tinged with worry.

Xenia herself laughed. "Oh for Valhalla's sake, Loki. You don't want to eat it, fine. I am."

With that, she reached for the peach and plucked it from the tree. It was early morning and they'd seen the trees while scouting.

Just as she was about to bite it, Loki took it.

"Hey!" Xenia said, about to tackle him.

When she saw him take out a knife and cut it in half. He tossed the half still embedded with the  _ ghutli _ to her. 

She raised an eyebrow.

"I know what you're thinking," Loki said taking the first bite and juices dripped down his sharp chin and alongside his jaw. Which he wiped off with the back of his hand.

Xenia bit into her half and encountered the same thing. It was sweet and really,  _ really  _ juicy _ . _

By the time they'd finished it. They'd already reached Heimdall's cottage.

"Well." Loki said, "See you tomorrow"

Xenia nodded and moved to go back. But she stopped to see Loki and her gaze wandered from the back of his head to lower and lower...

When she snapped her eyes back to his head and turned around. 

Goddamned Puberty. 

With all the talk of female rights, she had got to remember that Men had the right to NOT be ogled. 

If women don't like it. Men shouldn't be subjected to it either. 

Unless they're assholes. Then they should be whipped.

She never did have much tolerance for idiots anyway.

====

Loki had just entered the gates when he felt a burning sensation in his loins. It was odd.

Like his pants were too tight. 

That didn't worry him too much, on the edge of 16, he's become quite used to it. 

But it did irritate him. He knew Thor was dealing with it in the way most men do.

(Brothels and the like)

But all the equal rights talk Xenia subjected him to really started to get to him. 

Women weren't a source of pleasure for men, they were their own people who had rights, thoughts and well dreams and hopes.

He thought of Xenia then. The chopped up hair, big eyes and the height. (They were the same height.)

He thought of the limits she suffered as a female.

Her straight nose, a jaw that was already sharpening, plump lips, slightly long neck, the outline of her shoulders as they led down to her-

HOLD UP!

He should get to dinner.

As he moved through the corridors he feels the burning sensation in his crotch. Needing, desperate for some friction. 

"Loki?" He hears his mother call out. Oh, come on, his mother seeing him in this condition?

He feels his mother's arms around his back and all goes black.

========

Xenia once caught a butterfly and caged it in her hands. She could feel it trying to flap its way out.

That's how she felt now, flapping of wings, except the wings are on fire and they're in her fucking pants.

Her father looked at her and arched an eyebrow, and because he's a clever man and can see everything, he finds out what's going on. 

He reached her just as she passed out.

=======

Loki woke up in his bathtub, soaked in cold water and utterly naked.

On the bright side, he can't feel the tightening sensation anymore, partly cause he's got no pants on or trousers. 

Butt naked.

There's a knock on the door and he turns to see his mother standing next to the door, the ghost of a smile on her face.

Loki groans and tries not to laugh.

"What was it?" He asks.

He already knows but he wants to be sure.

"The golden peach" His mother begins and takes a deep breath, to stop herself from giggling, "is an aphrodisiac"

Taking a deep breath would have worked for his mother but Loki needs to sink to the very bottom of the tub. 

That won't be hard, he's already at the bottom of respect.

And somewhere in limbo, he thinks of Goldeneyes and warm fingers enveloping him.

=======

Xenia woke up to a forest. And a rather deep pond she was soaking in.

She spied her father not too far across, reading a book. As if knowing, he looked at her and closed the book.

"Aphrodisiac?" she asked.

"Aphrodisiac" her father confirmed and he succumbed to laughter as his daughter succumbed to thoughts of dark hair and sharp jaws.

(AS YOU DO)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't gonna write shit but then i read Orion_leo's comments.  
Also there is going to be explicit stuff afterwards. They're turning 17 and weird fucking stuff happens when you're 17.


	11. Get Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't listen to the chapter title that's just the song I was listening to.

Loki walked towards the tree. The tree underneath which Xenia and he sat almost daily figuring out where to go, their plan of action. 

He stopped. And made a full 360 degrees in the direction of his home.

Home.

Where his father was busy with important tasks and if not then Thor, watching him, adoring him. His brother would be sparring or flirting (with the ladies or noblemen? he had no idea.)

His mother would be truly busy, making arrangements for the next event. whatever that may be. She wouldn't mind him being there with her. She'd be glad, she'd ask him for his opinion and she'd see that he realize and understand the tasks presented by the title and rank of royalty.

{ although he wasn't aware, she was trying to set an example. Not for him or Thor exactly. She was doing something every  _ mother  _ should do. She was setting an example before them, of undying love and fidelity. Truth and loyalty and commitment.

Everything a wife needs to be. 

Everything the wife of a king needs to be.

They may be boys, but examples instilled in childhood are the ones that survive well into adulthood.

Her sons would not do to have... unsuitable queens.}

Thinking of what his family would be doing, Loki was suddenly reminded of why he was wandering here in the first place, why he'd begun wandering around the old oak tree in the first place.

Xenia.

He moved back towards the tree not stopping until he'd seen the dark-haired girl sitting under it and came to a stop beside her.

Xenia looked up at him and smiled, softly.

He smiled back and sat down next to her, looked over her shoulder to find what she was reading.

_ The Tower of Babel _

_ " _ Seems dreadfully drab," he remarked.

"I trust you've had much experience in the area" she countered not even sparing him a glance as she turned the page.

Loki sticks his tongue out at her.

"Not very princely of you"

"Princely?"

"For lack of a better word" she looked at him, " I can't call you charming now can I"

"Blue" 

"Hmm"

"Blue?"

"yes"

"Xenia?"

That made her lookup. She preferred blue, truth be told. Xenia was for her father when he'd had a rather uneventful day and wanted to go out with her. 

Not to the town but in the woods. To this nice secluded place beside a rather deep pond, where they'd sit and eat cakes and he'd tell her of the newest things Midgard had invented, Alfheim's oncoming spring or the -

"Xenia" Loki called out again.

" I heard you the first 3 times"

"Didn't seem as well"

"Nevermind that. What do you want?"

"The Competition"

Xenia closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. "Loki I've told you that my father is not okay with it"

"He wasn't fine with the groves either but you went!"

Xenia ignored the memory of her hand connecting with her father's eye and the loud crunch that had sounded.

"That," she said, succeeding to seem unmiffed, "was different"

Loki laughed, "How so?"

"Well for one, there was no blood involved" she groped for another reason," OR a lifetime membership of the einherjar!"

"Don't you want that?" 

"What, Loki?"

"The pleasure of being different"

Silence. Which Loki took as encouragement to continue.

Walking in the streets and knowing you're the exception to the rules and untouchable"

She couldn't hear him after that. 

_ The men's eyes were on her and they weren't going away. She felt a cold sweat break out on her skin as she got the potatoes. _

_ "I'll let you take more if you'll do me a favour girlie" _

_ WALK AWAY. _

_ "You can get much much more if you just do a little thing" _

_ WALK AWAY _

_ A girl walking in the streets isn't an exception to the rules and her sure as hell ain't untouchable. _

But a warrior is. 

She shook her head of the thought, Heimdall's daughter is. She can break both spirits and bones.

======

At the day of the contest, Xenia was wearing a grey cloak she'd gotten at the seamstress, it was her daughter's before she'd run away with some haggard. 

The seamstress was glad to let it go. Too painful she said.

As Xenia shrugged her way through the mounds of bodies she finally came out into a small clearing.

It was a circular opening, large and clean, fenced properly from all sides. A man of great weight knocked against the fence and it would still stand. It came up to Xenia's chest.

She could look directly at it.

Most people didn't show up to the contests they believed they'd see the people and warriors of consequence one way or another.

She saw the Queen up inside one of the boxes reserved for the royal family next to her husband. 

It was the first time she'd seen the King. He had only one good eye which seemed to scan the crowd looking for something until it rested on her.

Following his line of sight, the Queen saw her too and smiled. But Xenia was focused on the King, who seemed intent on making her look away. 

She wasn't going to but Loki showed up (thankfully).

"What're you-"

Xenia stopped.

"What?" Loki said seemingly unaware of the fact that it was the first time Xenia had seen armour.

"Nothing," Xenia said dejectedly. "Nice armour."

"Thank you," Loki said not noting the way she dragged her torn sleeves down to her wrist until finally enveloping her self in the cloak.

He didn't notice that she felt stupid standing next to him in his fresh armour made specifically for him while she was wearing the cloak of a treacherous whore.

Treachery

Whore.

Whore.

"What?" she said, "Sorry I faded out"

"I'm going to fight him" Loki nodded in the direction of a very brawny man. Huge.

He would sit on Loki and Loki would be a sticker.

She felt him tense.

"His name's Hogunn," he said trying to seem unnerved but he couldn't fool her, she'd seen him cry over a deer cause it was too small.

"Legs," she said.

"What?"

"Legs" Xenia nodded towards Hogunn. "He's got big arms and chest that means he's too proud to focus on his legs."

She looked at Loki in a completely unnerved way and Loki thought of how she would slaughter them all if she competed.

She was angry enough to finish them in record time.

He was glad he wasn't on her bad side.

Something Xenia didn't notice but the Blonde prince did. Standing not that far away.

And he thought of the brown-haired girl wearing an old heather gray cloak. Telling her brother how to beat Hogunn as if she were some great warrior.

(No he didn't know that she was Heimdall's daughter or that she could kick his ass)

Thor thought had an idea. Which Fandral agreed to willingly.

Fast forward:

Odin Gives speech.

Thor fights and wins and Xenia sees every woman around her swoon.

Sif the only woman fights and wins. The whole arena is silent. Except for Xenia. She whoops and high-fives her as she walks out.

Fandral winks at the ladies and show-offs his not that good looking hair and sword-skills. But unfortunately does win. 

And then It's Loki's turn. He shows up with nothing in his hands sending a major red flag.

He dodges Hogunn's attacks fluidly. and the whole while looks like he has better things to do. And When Hogunn lurches he misses the sight of Loki conjuring his daggers. 

But everyone else sees.

By the time Hogunn feces Loki, he's standing far away. 

Good.

Loki runs just as Hogunn does and Loki gets to his knees sliding in between Hogunn's legs.

She sees it in slow motion.

Loki slides and just as he crosses Hogunn's legs he turned and slashes the back of his knees.

Hogunn comes tumbling down.

Loki wins.

Deception and underestimation are a lovely pair.

A Vanir warrior emerges, she didn't quite catch his name ut he wins too.

And the warriors are decided. They will spend the next 3 years training to become Einherjar and will represent Asgard and Protect it.

They will-

"I challenge" a voice calls out. It belonged to Fandral, Xenia recognizes his smirk and panics when she sees that it's  _ her  _ he's smirking at.

He points at her. " I challenge the woman in grey"

The whole arena looks at her in unison. 

She spares a glance at Loki who looks just as panicked as she feels. She looks at Odin, and he is waiting.

She should yield and leave. Which she decides to do. 

She turns around and bumps into her father. Directly. 

He was standing behind her this whole time.

She noticed that he was looking at Odin and she realizes that the two men are locked in a staring contest.

Without a word, her father reaches out to grasp her forearm and take her home.

Except he doesn't.

Xenia looks up at her father in shock, her mouth agape.

He nods and Xenia needs no words as she sheds her cloak to reveal teared up tunic and trousers with worn-out boots that she mended herself. 

She nods back at her father silently thanking him and saying  _ I won't let you down _ as she grasps the hilt of his sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering   
Get Happy by Judy Garland.  
Comment if you like it.


	12. Modern Lonliness - Lauve

Maybe it was the fact that Xenia had anger issues. Maybe she didn't like Fandral. Maybe she wanted to prove herself worthy.

To her father?

To Loki?

To Odin?

Who knows?

What happened was that Xenia had spent sixteen years of her life practicing and the opportunity to finally kick ass was going to go well.

And it did go well. 

She smacked Fandral with the butt of her father's sword and he went down like a pile of bricks.

If she were raised like a normal fucking child she would've worried about hurting him but such is Asgard. The only thing Xenia cared about was whether everyone saw how pathetic all of this was.

After it was made clear a few moments afterwards that Fandral wasn't getting up anytime soon Xenia turned to face her father.

Who stood tall and erect, standing out in the crowd who watched her silently and he gave a small sullen nod.

Her gaze fled over Loki who had the ghost of a smile on his face and then she rested her eyes on Odin. Who sat above her, his one eye looking at her as if trying to determine what species she was. She saw Frigga trying her best not to look forlorn.

Xenia placed the sword on her shoulder as the cheers erupted.

Nobody liked a beating more than the Asgardians.

****

"The Einherjar are," Odin Bellowed, "Thor Odinson, Loki Odinson, Hogunn of Vanaheim, Fandral of Asgard, Sif of Asgard, Volstagg of Asgard and," Odin paused, "Xenia Heimdalldottir,"

Xenia looked around the selected people and even though she'd beaten Fandral she felt below them. She felt sullied and polluted. 

She felt wrong.

She didn't belong in this world of glistening armour and bloodstained swords. She looked out at the crowd and saw people cheering for the people who didn't care for them.

She didn't want to be on that side either.

As the Einherjar were ushered to the Palace directly behind them Xenia wondered if she might see her father more.

The throneroom was something.

It was massive with Pillars stretched into the high dark ceilings of the room. Xenia wondered how the whole place was cleaned.

The Warriors stood in front of steps that led to the throne.

Where the Allfather sat.

He eyed them all silently, his face not giving away anything. When his eyes rested on Xenia she matched his expression.

"You're all here," he started in a low, slow voice, "Because you have been honoured to protect this realm and all the others if you survive the following years believe me," his eye shined, "You will survive anything,"

Silence.

Frigga stepped forward and smiled. Her face glowing like the jewels she wore and Xenia fought the urge to smile back.

"You will all be staying in the castle from now on, contrary to what the people may believe the castle is not only for the royal family but for the protectors of the family and the realm that houses them,"

Xenia looked behind her to see seven people standing adjacently behind her and the rest of them.

"You have been appointed handmaidens and manservants, they will show to your rooms and remember," her smile diminished, "We in the palace do not tolerate impunctuality," she smiled once more, "You are all expected at the evening feast."

She waved them off.

Loki came over then and raised his eyebrows.

_ Well? _

"Evening Feast?" Xenia asked him, "Is there a morning feast too?"

He smiled and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a blond boy who Xenia assumed to be Thor.

"Greetings, Lady?"

"Xenia," the lady replied lowly, not sure what to make of the prince,

Her gaze flickered over to Loki who looked pissed.

"Wow," Xenia said, "He is just like you described, Loki,"

Loki'd brow furrowed in confusion as he mouthed 'What?'

"Loki talks about me?" Thor said, equally confused, he looked at his brother who shared his expression when THor's face became one of sheer panic.

"WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?", 

Xenia laughed, 

"LOKI YOU DIDNT TELL HER ABOUT- about mother's gown did you?"

*****

The room was bigger than Xenia's whole cottage and coloured rose gold. There was a desk on the far side which seemed to be beckoning Xenia to it. There was an empty dressing which only made it seem bigger.

And the bed.

oof.

The bed was something of a legend. Upon touching it, Xenia knew that the bed would be the most important part of her day. 

She could see it now.

A long day of training with the elite, clashing swords and blood-spattered armour and Extravagant Feasts and at the end of this day would be this bed.

Which was still too grand for her.

She placed her hand on the white sheets and she felt she might orgasm from the way it sunk into the silk plush.

She turned around to see her handmaiden and blushed crimson.

The woman seemed much older than Xenia, almost Frigga's age and she smiled.

"I know how you feel," she said simply and bowed her head, "I am Aeva,"

Xenia bowed her head in return.

When she was struck by a thought.

"Handmaiden's are unmarried,"

Aeva's surprise was evident but she nodded.

"I thought they became handmaiden's to get married,"

Aeva shrugged, "Some do,"

Xenia bit her lip, "Why didn't you?"

Aeva pressed her lips together but Xenia saw the ghost of a smile on her face. She tucked her dark hair onto one side and shrugged, "I have enough pets as it is,"

Xenia acknowledged that it was as good a reason as any.


End file.
